The Problems you Have are the Problems you Need

Summary 

• Problems are not always just for solving
• Focusing only on the solution, when one is not apparent or available, can lead to resistance and frustration
• Perceiving problems as customized opportunities for personal growth, magnifies their value and puts you in an empowered place to grow, sharpen and strengthen

During a conversation with a man, R., last week, he shared the challenges he was facing in parenting his teenage daughter.  Compounding this, were ensuing issues with his wife as a result of their disagreement over approaching and managing the issues with their daughter.  Midway through the conversation, he paused and said, “It occurred to me one day, that the problems we have are the problems we need.”

Although this statement resonated immediately, I continued to mull it over for several days, applying this concept to past issues in my own life, as well as in witnessing others’ personal struggle, and certainly to my interfacing with clients through my Repositioning practice.  

It is easy to drudge through life - to get through and get by, ticking off tasks on a never ending list of chores and responsibilities.  And when life is disrupted by unforeseen events, loss or hardship, it is easy to dismiss these disruptions as aspects of life you just have to get through.  But when you evaluate the worth in the experience, when you begin to understand that life is here for you to embrace, not just to endure, even hardship is worth walking through and may even be a bit easier when you understand the value in it.  

Problems become more than just obstacles or meaningless painful experiences.  They become elements of life intentionally placed in your path to help you grow, strengthen and expand and to release thoughts, patterns and behaviors that are not serving you or your relationships.  Problems reveal purpose, giving meaning to their existence, helping you to develop resilience and fortitude.  And when you look at problems through the lens of being custom made just for you at exactly the right time in your life, they reveal even more value, meaning and purpose.  

Men possess an intrinsic ability to apply logic and reason to most situations.  Because of this natural strength, men tend to jump to solving problems on behalf of themselves and others.  Being solution-driven is a beautiful and valuable masculine attribute.  But when there is no visible or clear solution, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or lack of control, helplessness and frustration.  

Rather than looking for a solution, if you focus on the quality of the problem and the opportunity available in it, you can release the resistance and frustration created around it and allow the problem to serve you in your personal growth and emotional mastery.  

When I entered this conversation with R., I could see he was not the jovial and grounded spirit I had consistently known him to be.  He seemed weighted and disparaged as he shared with me what was happening with his daughter and between him and his wife.  But as he referred back to this concept of the problem being exactly what he needed, I could see the emotional weight lift and his spirit return.  It was as if on the spot, with me as his witness, his power had been restored - not through developing a solution that would fix or change his wife and daughter or his relationships with them, but through his alchemization of his own perspective that allowed him to see the value in this problem in his own life.  

When a problem presents, especially one with no visible, linear solution, try first acknowledging that the problem may not be one for you to solve. Next, examine the resistance you may be applying to the situation through feelings of frustration, blame, shame or inadequacy.  Doing so allows you to see and accept the gifts that are available to you within the problem: opportunity to strengthen your confidence, faith and your relationships; to exercise patience and sharpen your listening and expression.  Problems often give us a chance to slow or pause, to garner clarity and wisdom and to connect to something deeper and bigger than the problem itself.  

So next time you face an issue in your life, remember that there is great opportunity - not exclusively in the solution, but in your own growth and strengthening.