To Provide and To Protect

3-minute read

Summary

• Ingrained in the masculine is the desire and ability to protect and provide for those to whom he is responsible
• When men have  a clear understanding of their masculine roles they feel purpose in who they are and step into their natural roles as leaders with honor and nobility providing stability and safety 
• This is accomplished through accurate and holistic self concept and emotional mastery 

Last week I met with a man who is three years post divorce from a twenty year marriage.  He shared with me that his ex-wife, who has primary custody of their teenage children, had reached out expressing her concerns over the security and safety of her home and household.  She is a single woman, living in a demographically mixed area of the city, known for low level crime.  

As he explained the intent of her call, I could sense his feelings of failure in not providing his wife and children with the protection they need.  “Does she just want me to come home and pretend we love each other again?” he asked me.

“No,” I told him.  “She wants you to continue to maintain your role of protector, despite your decision to resign in your role as husband.”

One of the main vertebrae of Repositioning is to instill in men the power in understanding their intrinsic roles of the masculine.  Simply, this comes down to two elements that should remain consistent regardless of circumstance: protection and provision.  

Gentleman, your foundational purpose on this earth is to provide and protect and when you clearly understand the honor and nobility associated with these responsibilities, you will uncover the true power of your masculine through balanced leadership and service.  

Throughout the past half century, the roles of the masculine and feminine have become blurred by cultural suggestions that they are interchangeable.  And whereas there may be overlap, when there is understanding and maintenance of balance in these roles, especially within the male/female and father/child relationships, you will find purpose and meaning in who you are as a man, using these roles as the foundation for who you are and honorably delivering to those you serve.  

When males do not understand their responsibility to protect those for whom they are responsible, they will often dismiss the importance of their role as leaders of self, marriage, household and community.  Men will often begrudge their roles to provide, not understanding that their provision is critical to the healthy functioning of all of the most important people in their lives.  

Men have a natural proclivity to protect, but when a threat presents, often in the form of an emotional trigger that exposes an unworked sensitivity, there may be a desire to protect himself as opposed to extending protection to his partner and the relationship through emotional stability and openness.  This is the natural and deeply ingrained line of defense offered by the ego, a normal reaction for a male who has not yet explored the purpose of his masculine roles. But rather than providing protection, the ego causes damage to relationships by creating further separation, interfering with truth and intimacy. 

But when a male steps in to protect his feminine partner, he provides a safe environment for her to show up authentically with her whole self and creates a platform for her to provide her feminine strengths to receive, intuit and nurture.  For a woman who is carrying fear, trauma or who is struggling with aspects of herself, this layer of protection provided by a strong and safe masculine presence (from a father, brother or partner) provides her with the opportunity to feel safe to be herself, to let down her defenses and to show up with softness and the desire to attend deeply and compassionately to the needs of the masculine.  Because men are naturally strong leaders, they can step into this role within their relationships to provide steadfast stability and protection.

When men honorably assume their innate masculine responsibilities, they receive the reward of fulfillment, purpose and meaning within their relationships allowing a platform of exchange of the feminine attributes of intuition and nurturing.  This balance cultivates a deeper safety and intimacy in masculine/feminine relationships, mitigating and even eliminating manipulation, resentment or struggle for power and control. 

Although obscured by (often tacit and unclear) cultural and societal expectations, it is critical that men understand expectations of themselves and how they choose to show up in all situations and relationships.  This begins with a clear understanding of who they are through positive, accurate and holistic self concept and emotional mastery with the desire to protect and provide for those to whom they are responsible. This clear understanding provides a pathway to a life of integrity, truth and honor visible in his relationships with self, spirit and others.  

Masculinity is a powerful element of our society that should be regarded for its strength and contributions.  To cultivate this, men must present their assets in a healthy and non threatening way that is protective of those who need it most.